Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Status Updates I Hate.

Status Updates

Status updates I hate:

#1: the self pitier.

Examples include: 'can't believe how hard life can be' and 'why does nobody understand? :('.

If you are going through a dilemma then why feel the need to share it with everybody on Facebook? The added layer I hate to these status updates is every time a remotely attractive woman claims to be going through a hard time every guy on her friends list will suddenly become the worlds most supportive person. Making pathetic comments such as 'always here for you babe' and 'let me know if you need me'. Desperately offering your emotional support to vulnerable women does not make you a nice guy, it makes you a creep. 

#2: the girlfriend/boyfriend worshipper.

Examples include: 'don't know what I would do without my baby' and 'has the most beautiful girlfriend in the world'.

Firstly, if you feel the need to share this shit on Facebook then you are clearly in an insecure relationship. Also. why do you think we want to hear this crap? Upon claiming to have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world a quick Facebook stalk will assure us that you most definitely don't. The best moment is when you log on to Facebook and the person who has spent the last year repeatedly telling us how much they love their girlfriend is 'now listed as single'.  

#3: the grown woman trying to act like a cute child. 

Examples include: 'omg, insert name here is so prettiful' and anything involving the words 'meep' and 'nomnomnom'. 

I am not a member of the grammar Nazi's but seeing these status updates definitely makes me want to join them. 'Prettiful', 'meep' and 'nom' are not words. Furthermore, if you are regularly using these words in your status updates then you fit the bill of a tragic person desperately trying to reclaim your lost childhood via Facebook status updates. 

#4: the internet snark. 

Examples include: 'can't believe people who support insert charity here actually think they're making a difference' and 'check out this article I found on insert internet forum here.'

Thank you for your enlightening comments on why 'KONY 2012' is a scam and how everybody who took an interest in it is a complete idiot. Also, thanks for reminding us that organised religion is evil and right wing media are trying to control us via the 'Daily Mail'. Now, please return to your productive existence of playing Xbox and watching repeats of 'Family Guy'. 

I have become an internet snark. How ironic!     

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