Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Small Things That Make Me Happy.

Small Things That Make Me Happy

The thing that people most often complain about me is that I am too negative. It is true that I am a pessimist and fairly cynical but if everyone was ultra positive then we would live in a world that resembled an evangelical church. I can promise you that this wouldn't be a good thing. Trust me. To prove my 'haters' wrong I will point out a few small things that make me happy on a fairly regular basis.

#1 - snacks.

I am a very health conscience person who exercises regularly and tries to eat healthily. However, whilst I make sure my body is getting all the good stuff it needs (fruit, veg etc) I do also keep it supplied with a reasonable amount of junk food because it's good for the soul. I do a food shop every day and I always make sure I indulge myself in something. My favourite pieces of junk include Crunchie bars, Milky bars, Wotsits, Pringles, Wine Gums, Fruit Pastilles, jam doughnuts and squidgy cookies. Listing these makes me happy.

#2 - old couples that still like each other.

It's far too easy to be cynical about love. I used to know someone that insisted 'people are biologically engineered to only be happy together for a maximum of seven years'. I'm not sure where he got this 'evidence' from but when you see an old couple that clearly have been together for decades and still love each other then you realise it really does work out sometimes. Then again, maybe they only met last week. 

#3 - eccentric people.

You know those crazy people that stand in the middle of a street with a large placard shouting that you need to save your souls now because the apocalypse is coming next Tuesday? Well, I don't agree with a fucking thing they say but I do enjoy their eccentricity. I'm self confessed people watcher. Another favourite includes the cross dresser who squeezes himself into women's clothes four sizes too small for him, adorns himself in jewellery, wears a large black wig but makes no attempt to shave the obvious beard that covers his prominent chin.

#4 - pretending you're a musical icon.

Whether it's in the shower, your room or the kitchen I think most of us have moments where our inner rockstar comes bursting forth. I have a singing voice that I imagine to be similar to Boris Johnson's but that doesn't stop me pacing around my room and belting out songs to my imagined crowd of thousands of adoring fans. Even more cringe-worthy is my attempts to emulate my favourite rappers. Lets leave it at that.

#5 - random acts of kindness. 

You know that episode of 'Friends' where Phoebe tries to complete a selfless act of kindness because she realises that her previous acts of kindness have been selfish for making her happy? Well, I think it's okay to try selfish acts of kindness. If helping that woman carry her pram up those stairs makes you feel happier then go for it. It's better than being a twat.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Sunday Reflections.

Sunday Reflections

It is Sunday night and I'm looking at the usual mountain of work. I managed to waste a few hours today looking for a button. A button broke off my favourite pair of trousers so I went into town to find a replacement. After looking in about ten different shops I gave up. None of them sold big buttons. Furthermore, every time I asked someone "do you sell buttons?" I kind of felt they were looking at me as if I was insane. I have had to resort to the internet and will have a few hundred buttons arriving through my post in the next couple of days. The insanity of it all. 

This week at University we have to all create a presentation on outdoor learning. It's such a tiny part of our huge workload that I think everyone is viewing it as a sort of annoying fly they want to bat out the way. Getting us to do a group presentation when we have multiple other things due in before we go on placement just seems a little...silly to me but so do many things.

It is coming towards the end of my time at university. I have been at Northampton University for approaching five years which is my entire adult life so it will be the end of an era. I am already starting to don my rose tinted spectacles and realising how much I will miss it and miss the people I have met. There have been many interesting memories from this strange little town.

The best years of it all were those during my Creative Writing degree. Throughout my entire degree I never found the work a chore (apart from Romanticism) because reading and writing fiction is my passion. It was often like indulging myself in a hobby rather than doing work. I think there was only about eight people doing the single honours course at the end but they were such an eclectic mix that seminars were always interesting. 

When your on PGCE it's a bit different because you don't really have the time to lead the 'typical' student lifestyle any more but before this year I was definitely living that archetypal lifestyle. Being surrounded by lots of other young people and having lots of time on your hands is bound to end in alcohol fuelled adventures (which it definitely did). Of course, there were those that spent the three years just being stressed about it. I tried to avoid them. 

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Things I Hate About Trains.

Things I Hate About Trains

You have probably all spent hours of your life wondering and worrying what I hate about trains. Well,

#1 - People who don't give up their seat for pensioners, disabled people and/or pregnant women. 

If you are a young healthy person sitting down in a seat and somebody is stood next to you who fits the above description and is obviously going to have difficulty standing then you should clearly give up your seat for them right? Well, you would think so. However, some degenerates instead decide that they got there first and a silly little thing called compassion is not going to get them to move. I even once saw somebody post a Facebook status saying 'definitely not moving my bag to let some old biddy sit down'. Lovely. 

#2 - The eater.

You are moving towards your destination in relative peace and comfort. Suddenly, somebody sits next to you and opens their bag of McDonald's. They have decided to get a large meal with a McFlurry and an extra cheese burger (student card?). They proceed to eat the entire meal with their mouths wide open and smacking their lips on every bite. The phone rings, will that pause them from eating? Of course not! They are able to slowly munch through the entire meal whilst shouting down the phone to their Auntie about the new Vodafone deal they should be getting. If you have seen someone shout and eat at the same time you will know well it creates an aromatic spray of food debris. 

#3 - Bad music.

People on trains who decide everyone else in the carriage deserves to listen to their music ALWAYS have the worst taste in music. I'm talking Scooter, DJ Sammy, My Chemical Romance, R-Kelly and various other atrocities. If you are going to listen to terrible music you should be embarrassed about it enough to listen to it quietly in your room where nobody else can hear as I do when I listen to Cher Lloyd songs. 

#4 - Not knowing where to look.

You are on train so crammed that if you look in any direction you are staring at somebody. You forgot to bring a book and your phone is on low battery. Time to contemplate your feet for the next two hours.

Enjoy your travels. 

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Solar Powered Women.

Solar Powered Women

Last night I dreamt I was on placement. I was being observed for a lesson but when I stood up in front of the children I realised I had no lesson plan and no resources. Therefore, I had to improvise a maths lesson on the spot. It was terrible. I am quite used to teaching taking over most my life but dreaming about lesson observations seems a little excessive. 

I am probably thinking about it a lot because I allowed myself to go home to Wales and relax for a few days with the family. Now I am back in Northampton I  started the day by tidying the flat and my room (both were a complete mess). Once I had completed this a couple of hours ago I allowed myself to address the workload and was horrified to discover it was still there. Not only that, I have also almost run out of holiday. Seriously, where does the time go?!?!?!?!?
I have smugly completed the word count of my MA essay though so not all is lost. 

On a side note, I once heard Jeremy Clarkson say something about beautiful women being solar powered because they only work in the sun. The recent sunny spats have definitely proved this to be true. People really do look so much better when the sun comes out and they put their summer clothes on. I went into town today when the weather was nice and experienced love at first sight 5 or 6 times with various visions in bright dresses. I did notice the usual group of Goth's in the centre of the high street still managed to clad themselves entirely in thick layers of black though, bless them.

 Thank God for sunny weather hey?

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Status Updates I Hate.

Status Updates

Status updates I hate:

#1: the self pitier.

Examples include: 'can't believe how hard life can be' and 'why does nobody understand? :('.

If you are going through a dilemma then why feel the need to share it with everybody on Facebook? The added layer I hate to these status updates is every time a remotely attractive woman claims to be going through a hard time every guy on her friends list will suddenly become the worlds most supportive person. Making pathetic comments such as 'always here for you babe' and 'let me know if you need me'. Desperately offering your emotional support to vulnerable women does not make you a nice guy, it makes you a creep. 

#2: the girlfriend/boyfriend worshipper.

Examples include: 'don't know what I would do without my baby' and 'has the most beautiful girlfriend in the world'.

Firstly, if you feel the need to share this shit on Facebook then you are clearly in an insecure relationship. Also. why do you think we want to hear this crap? Upon claiming to have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world a quick Facebook stalk will assure us that you most definitely don't. The best moment is when you log on to Facebook and the person who has spent the last year repeatedly telling us how much they love their girlfriend is 'now listed as single'.  

#3: the grown woman trying to act like a cute child. 

Examples include: 'omg, insert name here is so prettiful' and anything involving the words 'meep' and 'nomnomnom'. 

I am not a member of the grammar Nazi's but seeing these status updates definitely makes me want to join them. 'Prettiful', 'meep' and 'nom' are not words. Furthermore, if you are regularly using these words in your status updates then you fit the bill of a tragic person desperately trying to reclaim your lost childhood via Facebook status updates. 

#4: the internet snark. 

Examples include: 'can't believe people who support insert charity here actually think they're making a difference' and 'check out this article I found on insert internet forum here.'

Thank you for your enlightening comments on why 'KONY 2012' is a scam and how everybody who took an interest in it is a complete idiot. Also, thanks for reminding us that organised religion is evil and right wing media are trying to control us via the 'Daily Mail'. Now, please return to your productive existence of playing Xbox and watching repeats of 'Family Guy'. 

I have become an internet snark. How ironic!     

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Resolve Meets List.

Resolve Meets List

Yesterday I began to tackle my PGCE Easter 'holiday' work list starting with the MA assignment. My plan is to have it completed by Thursday night so I can break up with it, move on and find someone new. It's not a healthy relationship.  I only managed 1000 words last night so I will need to do 2000 today, I always tell myself the first 1000 is the most difficult anyway. 

When I got up today I looked at my clock and saw 09:00. I consider this a waste of an hour of my day because I usually like to get up around 08:00 (I'm very much a morning person). I went to the gym but only managed a pretty pathetic workout because I was still aching from yesterday. 

The reason I probably got up an hour late is because I had a nightmare involving some bearded man pulling out my teeth one by one. The typical 'losing your teeth' dream is supposed to be something to do with anxiety so I'm not sure why I don't have that dream most nights. 

The only recurring dream I do have is a nice one. It starts off being in a shopping centre where everything is old fashioned. I go up to the top floor and find an old junk shop. When I go in it's full of all the things I loved when I was a child. This includes children's books, Sega Megadrive games, the first albums I owned and favourite video tapes. Last time I had this dream I remember finding a game called 'Toki Going Ape Spit' that I loved when I was a kid. 

In this game you are a monkey who goes around spitting balls of energy at other creatures. They REALLY don't make games like they used to. Anyway, back to my impossible amount of work. Pity the teacher.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

The First Day.

The First Day

Today is a day of organisation. I was stupid enough to not realise that my two week Easter holiday had started until late on Sunday night. Because of this, yesterday was spent in shock that I didn't have to get up and go to school or Uni. Instead, I did nothing. Actually, I did go into Uni to hand in some library books, argue about my £20 library fine and hand in a piece of evidence that I survived my last placement. After that I just spent the day thinking 'God, what do I do first?' It didn't help that checking Facebook showed the girls on my course to be motoring through the workload like mice through cheese. 

So today, I woke up and decided 'I better start somewhere.' The first thing I did was go to the gym to focus my mind. I have started a new routine of high weights, low weights, high weights, low weights etc with almost no breaks before doing some resistance work on my shoulders and finishing off with some cardio and abs work. This routine was pretty much given to me by a complete stranger at the gym but everything aches so it must be working. 

Now, I am making a detailed to-do list. Some view this as another form of procrastination but I am somebody who definitely needs a list to function. The main things on my list are writing an MA assignment, completing my subject folders and working out how to get something called a 'job'. The MA assignment is 5000 words of skin peeling boredom that my only hope of passing is getting one of my lovely peers to proof read before hand-in and tell me everything wrong with it. The folders involve fairly simple work, but A LOT of fairly simple work. The job...well...schools are closed at the moment for Easter holidays so that is more of a case of just getting my head around the bloody process. 

This introduction might make me seem stupid and/or unorganised. Both statements are true. I'll make my list, I'll start working through it, I'll think I cant do it, I'll probably do it.