Sunday, 24 March 2013

Football Is For Wimps, Real Men Watch Rugby!

Football is for wimps, real men watch rugby!

We all know the guy. Upon finding out you like football he insists on giving you a lecture about how he hates football because it's full of overpaid wimps who roll around clutching their ankles for 10 minutes every time they get tackled. He then goes on to tell you about how he only watches rugby because it's full of real men who can take a stud to the skull and keep going. Of course, rugby players are also all respectable gentleman whilst footballers are just arrogant moaners. 

I can't tell you how bored I get of hearing this argument. 

I like rugby but I prefer football because I think it's more entertaining to watch and more fun to play. If rugby was the multi-billion pound industry that football is then rugby players would be getting paid just as much as footballers do. Some footballers do have a habit of diving but most of them are incredibly skilled sportsmen who deserve just as much admiration for getting to the top of their game as any other athlete. The reason rugby players are tougher is because rugby is a full contact sport requiring brute strength whereas football isn't. Also, there are enough arseholes in rugby and nice guys in football to break the stereotype on either side. 

If reasoning doesn't work with the bloke in the pub who is desperately trying to defend his masculinity by shouting about how he only watches a sport for real men then you can drop to his level and point out that he enjoys watching large groups of muscly men in small shorts tackling each others waists. That often works.

Real men.


Saturday, 16 March 2013

Great Bands Who Often Have Terrible Lyrics.

Great Bands Who Often Have Terrible Lyrics

I have seen quite a few internet memes making fun of lyrics from people like Rihanna, One Direction and Justin Bieber but what about those well respected bands who have got away with having often terrible song writing?  

#1 - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Example: 'Hey oh, listen what I say oh, I got your hey oh, now listen what I say oh.'

Chili Peppers are a classic example of a band who make lyrics that sound good without actually being good. Of course, they have done some songs that are lyrical genius but I would say well over half their lyrics are complete nonsense. There is nothing wrong with this because a lot of their music is just about having a good time but I think you probably have to be quite stoned to view most of their material as having much depth.   

#2 - Oasis

Example: 'I know a girl called Elsa, she's into Alka Seltzer.'

I have a feeling that when the Gallagher brothers write songs they basically think 'what rhymes and will sound clever to stupid people?' I actually love singing along to their songs and in the moment the lyrics seem amazing but if you really stop and analyse them they are often about as sophisticated as the poetry of a fifteen year old. To be fair, rhyming something with Elsa is probably quite difficult. No, I can't think of anything. 

#3 - Metallica 

Example: 'Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire, and of things that will bite.'

Metallica lyrics are basically the epitome of cheesy. It is very clear they have a target market of spotty teenagers and overweight, middle-aged men with long hair. They tend to either have a 'LETS BE ANGRY ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR' or a 'let's be a bit sad about nothing in particular' feel to them. Don't get me wrong, I love the heavy riffs and the rolling drums but the lyrics are just bloody awful.   

The internet has a point though.