My last blog entry about video games got 900 views and people gave me some fairly good feedback about it. Therefore, in a desperate attempt to keep up my publicity I'm writing another entry about video games. I'm not a big gamer really, I don't even own a 360 or a PS3, but video games were an important part of my childhood and youth. Here are the 6 most disappointing games I ever bought.
1 - Shadowgate Classic - Gameboy Color.
When I was a kid, the best Christmas I can remember is when I got a Gameboy Color and Pokemon Blue. I played this game until absolute death before eventually deciding I should probably buy another game for it. I only got 50p a week pocket money to save up so it took me quite a while but eventually I had enough money to go into town and buy a new game. I chose Shadowgate Classic thinking 'this looks like an awesome action/adventure game. There was nothing on the box to say it was a bloody point and click adventure game. Room after room of this terrible game (which I have since learnt is a cult classic) you just have to click on every part of the room until something happens. For example, after clicking on 300 bricks you might click on a brick that opens a secret door. Terrible.
2 - Robot Wars Metal Mayhem - Gameboy Color
Never mind I thought, I'll just save up to buy another game for my Gameboy Color. After weeks of saving I went into town and bought this piece of shit. I remember completing it on the hardest setting in about half an hour. Why you ask? Well, all you had to do was drive your little robot into the opposing robot and bash the 'A' button repeatedly. There was literally nothing else to it. Sigh.
3 - Space Hulk - PC
Like many geeky white losers of my generation I was obsessed with the Warhammer franchise. So what absolute joy when I saw that there was a game for the PC based on the franchise! I instantly put it on my Christmas list and I was lucky enough that my Mum actually got it for me on Jesus Christs birthday. It very quickly became apparent that I was very much out of my depth. Instead of just blasting your way happily through enemies you had to control a small group of 'Space Marines' through what felt like the pits of hell. The moment you left one of your marines alone you would hear him scream through the intercom that he had just been killed. Needless to say, I was scarred.
4 - Toejam and Earl - Megadrive
For most of my childhood my main games console was the Sega Megadrive. Most my friends had a Playstation but I didn't get one of those until a couple of years after my mates. The good thing about this was that by that point you could get most Megadrive games for about £2.99 from my local secondhand games shop (Gamezone in Shrewsbury). The one exception to the rule was Toejam and Earl which, for some reason, cost £14.99. I had wanted this game for quite a while but had not been able to afford it. However, one day, my Dad just got it for me as a surprise. It turned out to be the slowest moving and longest game I had for the Megadrive. Because there was no save feature I had to just leave my console on and paused for hours on end. Headaches ensued.
5 - Final Fantasy X - PS2
The only Final Fantasy game I have ever attempted to get into. My friends at the time were all obsessed with it so I thought I would try to join the bandwagon. What I experienced was some of cheesiest story telling I've experienced in a 'serious' game coupled with tedious, repetitive game play. What made it even worse was that my friends all had some weird geek crush on a character called Rikku. Admittedly, I did once fancy Sophitia from Soul Blade but I was about 8 so...
6 - Fight Club - PS2
Fight Club is literally the greatest film I have ever seen. It's the only film I have watched more than 3 times. I'm normally more of a book person you see. My friend Jack bought me this game because he knew I was obsessed with the film. I was so excited to play it because Fight Club has my favourite fight scenes I have ever watched. How can you take something that is so intelligent, grimy, dark, realistic, brutal and atmospheric and turn it into a terrible fighting game? Why, by turning it into a mindless button basher of course!
I'll write something happy next time.
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